1314

So here come the last day of 2013. I am spending this new year eve with books and my laptop, working on some reports that I am not sure if they are necessary to be done. 

2013 has been a year of changes, of getting out of comfort zone, of achieving something that I've always hoped to reach for, of tasting a little drop of heaven.

Let's start from beginning of the year. I had no new year resolutions for 2013 since setting goals is something that I don't usually do. I was quite persistent about getting a job in Starbucks coffee company and hell yea I got one and worked there for almost 8 months as a full time barista. To be honest, I didn't really fully enjoy what I was doing but I gained a lot of experiences which, now I think back, is something worth suffering for. I find myself missing the challenges and admiring my courage to overcome them despite the constant thought of giving up, after I quit the job for a few months. 

So, getting STPM results is another super important part of 2013. I remember that I thought I did quite badly during the papers, and I seriously had no expectation for my results, I just hoped that it's high enough for me to get my desired course and tadahhh it turned out to be above X.XX and I was very happy for myself. It's not considered good but an average one although I worked quite hard for it. Of course not as hard as many people out there, I think it somehow reflects the effort that I put in the exam. Never a diligent person, I had already pushed myself off the limit trying to study like mad every single day for don't know how many months. So yea with the results, gratefully and happily, I went through 2 important interviews in my life, and this leads to another important chapter of 2013.

That was certainly not the first time I went through important interviews and I am quite confident with my own set of soft skills, so it was never a huge fear having to sit in front of people and talk. I took a flight to Kelantan with my mom for one of the interviews, and another one was at the place where I'm studying now. I am lucky enough to get shortlisted for the interviews by the only 2 universities that offer the course that I wanted. What's even better is I got a place in both uni yo. One of them was really a tough one and I am really grateful that they see me as an eligible candidate to study this course despite that I crapped so much during the interview haha. 

Next thing you know, I quite my job started my uni life, which is not a smooth and easy but challenging one. So it will be my final exam 2 days later. I promise myself to do well in exam!!!

I really wanna thank my family, especially my mom for going through all the troubles and worrying (I hope she did LOL) about me and my future, saving me from my shitty hostel life. I would never be at where I am today without their help. Thank you my friends for being the joy of my life when I'm unhappy. Btw my 20th birthday was really a great one with you guys hohoho.

Another few hours to 2014! Looking forward for a loving, nice, challenging and fruitful 2014.

空虚？Nah...

刚刚突然想起某团体的一个在三月中举行的常年活动，又想起朋友之前邀约一起参加，就动了想参与的念头。因为想到自己近来太死板沉闷了，都只在忙工作。

转个头看到日历，咦？四月了。

我心里像受了点小惊吓，好像还摸不着头脑为什么现在已经四月了。活动应该都过了。

想着想着，心里讶异着时间飞逝。有点恐怖。决定写一些东西，来回顾一下今年的一些事情，为将来设点小计划，好让现在的生活过得充实一些。

一月开始工作。没有朝九晚五那样的规律，反而是乱得会让人吐泡的时间表。因为工作地点和想省交通费的关系，我经常会选择搭巴士，还有走一堆路到工作的地方。所以我必须在开工大约前两小时就出门，回家会花大约两个小时的时间。

工作日，一天12个小时就献给了工作。

每个星期一天的假日不是已经规定的，而是必须跟着主任的安排。因此，和朋友都聚少了，约不到时间嘛。人家放假我工作，我放假人家上课。哈哈。而且有假期，我想做的只是在家躺给他够。

至于工作性质方面，辛苦是难免的啦，就不多说了。有时遇到怪顾客更头痛。

这些都是我的选择，我并没有在投诉。虽然有点累，可是还是会再撑几个月。薪水方面还过得去，不算多，但是以一个学生暂时打工来说，算不错了，而且我的花费不大，吃得都是家里的 = = 而且钱都存来交一部分学费，和买笔电。好的是，我找到一个新的兴趣。希望能够在这方面有所进步，学会更多。可惜没机会遇到高人呀，不然可以讨教讨教。

工作说完啦，说说学业。

大概在两个星期前拿到成绩。不算很优秀，还过得去。有小失望，因为我下了苦工的科目没有拿到理想的成绩。想到去年念书的情况我真的是想吐。可是说句老实话，我还是有偷懒，不够努力啦。但是都过去啦，现在我一定要拿到我要的科系！！不会让自己有退路。

今天放假，在家闲闲。听听歌，看看书，待会儿填大学申请表格。

说一说我近来的人际关系。工作的地方都是友族同胞。好友有一两位啦，都喜欢一起闲聊闲逛。可是好像都是我在听他们说话，我都是静静的。一来是因为我马来文的表达能力像大便，二来是有时候我尝试聊，可是她们都好像对我说的东西没啥兴趣 = = 有点像是不同世界的人啦。我都在迁就着啦，没啥，小事。至少我都得到同事的认同，没有受排挤什么的哈哈哈哈。可是那位有日本血统的朋友和我还不错，比较合得来，可能是因为背景比较相似吧。

还是觉得老朋友比较好，交心朋友难找了。

我觉得我变了。我现在没有以前这么善良 = = 

有时做好人会让人欺负。如果你遇到好心人的话就是好事啦，可是恶人不会珍惜你的好。自私了点，险恶了点，骄傲了点。对于这样的改变，没什么感觉，都是为了生活。至于我的本质，应该还在吧 = =

说说将来！

要计划大家一起去国家公园！我尝试啦，如果真的不行我觉得丢给别人计划比较好，我不想搞砸了。

周杰伦演唱会！我决定挥霍一下。近来太吝啬了啦。花笔钱！宠下自己。辛苦了。

上大学！上我要的科系！

还有很多很多很多的愿望。我要实现他们。这些都是我让我向前的小小推动力。

好了，比之前semangat了一点。

共勉之。

回想

2013年首篇。

开始工作已经有接近一个月的时间了，跟刚开始时比较所有事情都有不少的改善。

刚开始时什么事情都不会，什么东西都不懂，混不进人群，自己一个傻傻的（虽然现在看起来还是傻）。现在东西都在慢慢的上手。可是因我糊涂的性格我偶尔还是会犯些小错误，我正在努力的更进一步改善现有的情况啦。

我现在当务之急可能是搞好我国文的听力和表达能力 = =

没错，现在我的生活就围绕着现有的这份工作。有时候忙得快翻了。有时候一阵忙碌过后突然空闲下来，心里就会有一种空空的感觉。就是说，除了工作，现在的生活暂时是空白的。

睏了。先休息，再冲刺。

60th entry

It's time for a change. And I will start this off by changing the blog template that I've already used for many years. Even though I like the picture of my blog banner very much, but I'm too lazy (and stupid) to deal with HTML so I decided to just choose a template provided by Blogger LOL. Some of them quite nice also la. Life is like this, we will have to let go of something that we like because of many reasons. When you've tried your best to get or achieve what you want very badly but failed eventually , leaving things to fate is the only thing that we're capable of doing.

I found that many people blog to vent or get emotional, including myself. Here goes the fate of diary books lol. It's really a place for people to keep their secrets without having to worry about missing your blog entries (you might forget where you hid your personal diaries lol), control the people who can read your worries and emotion or stuff like that. Years later I can read back the old blog entries it's really a nice thing to do. It makes me miss my old life, my old friends, somewhere I can't get back to, somebody that I've missed forever.

Life after STPM isn't how and what I wanted it to be. Mainly because of money issues. And after all I'm still a teen(kononnya) who obeys mom's wish lol. I actually wish to meet up my high school friends more frequently and catch up with them because talking to them is one of the best things to do. I miss how we used to meet at school every single day, talking crap, laughing out loud and sharing silent moments. It's like the only purpose of going to school lol. Things can't get back to how it used to be and I doubt if I will ever meet awesome people like them in the future.

Anyways it's not as bad though. I feel like I'm back to my old lazy self who is so slumber to the extent that even myself also beh tahan. In another word, I lost my ability to enjoy being slumber LOL. See, I've grown up. This is good and bad at the same time. Good being I'm slowly transforming to insan yang boleh menyumbang kepada masyarakat lol bullshit and bad being I feel very eager to get something to do to prove myself a productive kid and feel upset for not being able to do anything in the end. 

Ok I'm going for a power job hunting journey next Monday.

And a trip on 31 December! I feel very excited about it but the excitement reduced a bit because of some reasons haiz. Anyway I'm still looking forward to going to a trip planned by ourselves for the first time. Yes the first time for me, if campings not counted lol. It's going to be a countdown with friends yo! Just forget all the unhappiness and enjoy ba. 

胡言乱语

2012 第二篇。
经过了一年多考试的摧残，以为考完后可以过下写意的日子，我敢说我已经尽力做到最好了，现在希望成绩出来会在我能够接受的范围之内LOL
可是我没有想到原来得到的自由与我想象中的有微差。
不是微差，是挺大的差距。
我不是一个喜欢哀怨的人，能够让我觉得失落必定是不小的事，而且是短期之内没有办法解决得来的。我会让自己尽快走出蒙蔽我的烟雾，着手解决问题。可是当年岁渐长，越难做到这一点。
家里的事，我已经烦恼得很了，有时候宁可自己笨一点，可以得到家人更多的爱护。学习上的聪明并不代表我情感上也比一般人坚强。我希望我亲爱的人不要如此伤害我。难道我在她心中的地位真的这么糟么？
我本想在家休息一阵子，毕竟刚考完试嘛。可是现在的我的处境让我觉得是家里的蛀米虫，人人都在勤奋努力，可我却不断地在享受，到处游玩撒钱，忽略其他人的辛苦，自顾自寻欢。
原来一个少年纯粹的贪玩心态可以被解读为自私。
我到底要怎么办才能摆脱我现在在你心中的形象？你永远是最不了解我的那一个。
我这些情感抒发可能对你来说只是在废话多说，是一堆垃圾，不值一看。不然我怎么会沦落到现在这样子的状况呢？你知不知道当你最希望得到认可的那个人把你说的一文不值的那种痛和讶异？
我从来都不知道你从我身上要的是这些。你都不说，我怎么会知道？恕我不懂得读心术。我宁愿你责备我，告诉我，我也不想上演这样子吓死我的戏码。
我在想，这屋檐下有没有人了解我的伤心。还是我只是让人不屑一顾的，被人遗弃的东西。
算了，我现在真的觉得我是一坨大便。
我只想赶快找到工作，他妈的证明我不是一根废材。这是我唯一想到能够做的，不然我还能做什么？虽然这想法很白痴，不符合我一贯理性的形象LOL 可是我觉得我都快忧郁症了。看，转身一变，我在你面前，成了一个没能力，却急着自我证明的幼稚小孩。只因你都把他宠得像手心里的宝，而我却永远在考完试以后的时间被忽略。
对不起，可是我就是这么想得到关心和注意。可是你永远都不会知道。
好了，我累了。

久违

2012第一篇。已经三月中了。

日子过得挺不错，但算不上充实。

原因还是那一个，懒惰惰惰惰惰惰。我开始天天学习了，祝福我能够走得长远 = =

亿一亿旧事，等我以后老了可以回头看看。

来说一说3月4号的KAR1SMA NGO。

我的重点不在那天阿吉大佬那天和非政府组织干了些什么，那些是由新闻报告做了。我想说说那天的感触。

NS 的营员，若某些重要事项在靠近营地的地方举行，通常都会派一群代表出席，而那天也不例外，我旧营地有一群营员出席了。会认出他们是因为看见了就是的教练。哈哈我还是改不了坏习惯，都没上前打个招呼，嘿嘿嘿。

大会进行时常了一首1MALAYSIA，哇，回忆涌上心头，两个字，怀念。

突然间很懒多写，看哪有兴致再继续哈哈哈。

Randomness

1.32 a.m
才这么一段时间, 你这么红了。
我还是比较喜欢做低调的支持者。

这么久没有背书, 重拾书本没之前那么困难因为Sejarah不再缠身。
可是PA还是对它兴趣缺缺。

接受了现实。

很多事情在变, 但总有不变的东西。:D